God · Motherhood

The Force of the Universe That Does Want You to Fail

I haven’t been a mom for that long, but most of the time I feel like the Universe wants me to fail. Yeah, Universe – capital “U”. Now, because I’ve been taught well, I know to hold up my thoughts to the authority of Scripture. And because of that, I know the Universe isn’t a thing. The Universe is not a higher power that has a will or direction for my life – God is though, and God doesn’t want me to fail. 

But it just all seemed too perfect to be a coincidence. How did my neighbors always just know to start their lawn tools when Clementine went down for a nap? How did Clementine know the perfect ways to push my buttons? How did Clementine know exactly when to disrupt her otherwise routine sleeping schedule to ruin our plans? How did I always pick the slowest check out line when Clementine was the fussiest? How did Clementine know to wake up precisely when I was going to bed? How did the dogs next door know to bark during nap time? 

It was all too precisely and horribly perfect. I felt like I was getting picked on by the Universe. Things seemed to always go wrong at the exact worst moments possible. I mean, Clementine doesn’t know how to read a calendar, right? But how does she know to wake up early from her nap on days with special occasions and completely throw off our plans?! I have endless examples of moments like these – moments where I just feel like I’m being kicked when I’m already down. Moments that left me defeated, deflated, and confused. 

Like, I said, the Universe isn’t a thing, so why did I feel like there’s a force out there that wants me to fail? 

And then it dawned on me in the middle of the day as I sat in the glider in Clementine’s nursery. I feel like there’s a force out there that wants me to fail because there is. That force is called sin. 

It’s ugly, powerful, and looking to devour people with important work ahead of them. There are few things more important than a mother’s work, than raising the next generation of Christians. Sin is looking to purposefully and intentionally push my buttons and put me on the path to destruction. Sin delights in my frustration, impatience, anger, and need to control. 

Giving this force a name, recognizing it for what it truly is, has given me an edge though. You see, there’s a popular Book out there that tells me exactly how to conquer and overcome sin. It tells me that I’m capable of doing better. It tells me the greatest story ever told of why I can rise  above it.

And I plan to do just that. 

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